Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
