I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
