i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
