Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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