Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
