the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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