THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
