My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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