just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
