I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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