we should wear snuggies to the strip club
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
