just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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