For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
