she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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