Buhtt sex?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
