Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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