well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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