tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
