I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
