As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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