thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
