I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
