I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize