You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
