I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize