Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
God I need to hump something, right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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