if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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