he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
