i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
