Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
