yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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