I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
