Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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