Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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