I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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