Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pants are for mortals
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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