Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you would pick up someone in the library
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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