We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
