Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize