Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize