I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
