just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
