It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
