Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do vagina's smell?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
