It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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