i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize