You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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