From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
