i'm signing you up for texting rehab
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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