did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
