Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
