it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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