remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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