she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
