I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
