I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
