this beer tastes like vomit already
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
