FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
