she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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