I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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