well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
