We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
