There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Are we still banned from the library?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize