I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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