You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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