Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
